(This post is self-titled) The album is self-titled, released on the occasion of just-like-that. It is the biggest surprise from Beyonce this year.
All songs are so vastly different from what I have expected from her, which is great, to see that she continues the experiment from "Run the World (Girls)", I think. They gave me a sense of futuristic music in R&B genre. I definitely can hear her putting the effort in creating the grooves that draws a line from the previous album.
The interlude of Chimamanda Adiche's speech. The extracts of her performance video when she was a kid. The seducingly sexiness of "Blow". The explicitly sexiness of "Partition" (this is daring, I would have to say, which is way more than that I heard in "Bootylicious"). The change of emotion in verses and beat of "Mine". The goosebumps they made on me: "Haunted". The beat I cannot now forget: "Drunk in Love". The song that stuck in my head: "XO". The love I felt: "Blue".
Beyonce blows me away, she did it again. The album blows me away.
Only one critic I have: "Yonce" should be a standalone song.
Thursday, 26 December 2013
New year
工作工作工作工作工作。年纪比我小一年可是工作经验比我多我一年的John，对我说:"我看你好像都没有停过hor？"没错，每天下班时间都是隔日的凌晨。忙完了这边的事情，又要赶那边的deadline，做不完的东西怎样都好也要把它呕出来。
这就是我近一两个月以来的生活，99%的活动时间都奉献于工作上的事务，包括了周末和公假。
不过上个礼拜五的appraisal，看见老板写下"remarkably"这个形容词，心里尝到了一点点地甜头。
一眨眼，旅游足了一个月，适应回这里的生活--颓废了四个月，在我投入这行业前试水温--然后放弃了--两个月，疯狂工作了五个月，就这样，过了一年，可是我觉得没有比2012过的好。
我仍想念在布里斯本的生活。
我有很多欲望，都是朝着我向往的生活萌生出来。年中我为自己设下的目标，希望在2014里依然可以顺利的追求着。
Day 767
这就是我近一两个月以来的生活，99%的活动时间都奉献于工作上的事务，包括了周末和公假。
不过上个礼拜五的appraisal，看见老板写下"remarkably"这个形容词，心里尝到了一点点地甜头。
一眨眼，旅游足了一个月，适应回这里的生活--颓废了四个月，在我投入这行业前试水温--然后放弃了--两个月，疯狂工作了五个月，就这样，过了一年，可是我觉得没有比2012过的好。
我仍想念在布里斯本的生活。
我有很多欲望，都是朝着我向往的生活萌生出来。年中我为自己设下的目标，希望在2014里依然可以顺利的追求着。
Day 767
Sunday, 10 November 2013
Monday, 4 November 2013
I'm missing out
Last two weeks were mayhem at work. Now come to think again, I wonder how the hell did I survive from non-stop 24/7 works without proper and adequate rest. I feel like I'm dying, feel like crap, feel like my eye balls are so loose that they're gonna pop out and fall off to the ground soon. My shoulders are so heavy, channeling the body pain and tiredness to my back.
No complains. I have not made any noise to anyone. So when someone is extending their warm caring to me and showing the face of concern, concerning that too much is happening to me, I somehow feel more irritated and less appreciative of their concern
I've been missing out so much: missing out stories of Newsroom, Offspring, Big Bang Theory, missing out beaches, greeneries, movies, missing out fresh air, catching up with family and friends. Missing out exercises. I miss online. Missing out the possibility of having and loving someone who could spend the life with.
I miss out life.
The other day I was asked: what is my goal in life. Tough question to answer.
I already had the idea, but not disclosing it.
Day 819
No complains. I have not made any noise to anyone. So when someone is extending their warm caring to me and showing the face of concern, concerning that too much is happening to me, I somehow feel more irritated and less appreciative of their concern
I've been missing out so much: missing out stories of Newsroom, Offspring, Big Bang Theory, missing out beaches, greeneries, movies, missing out fresh air, catching up with family and friends. Missing out exercises. I miss online. Missing out the possibility of having and loving someone who could spend the life with.
I miss out life.
The other day I was asked: what is my goal in life. Tough question to answer.
I already had the idea, but not disclosing it.
Day 819
Monday, 14 October 2013
I'm saving the rants for next time.
- Don't you think it's stupid to feel scared and deal with the same thing over and over again, everyday, whenever you come to work?
- Don't you always think about it even though it's after hours? I tried not to, but somehow it comes into my mind so easily, like it's inevitable.
- I don't know how do you expect to close all this shit but I already had an idea that there's no way it's gonna work, guaranteed.
- Now finally someone has voiced out. See that, we're all overly attached to these gadgets. Till she thought we have forgotten their existences. After a good half an hour of conversation, our index fingers slide n the screens again.
- Not that I'm unaware of how bad it is: working for long hours and feels like no life. I do not need another reminder that beats my motivation which keeps me moving, but I need some words of encouragement.
- Sometimes I doubt whether I will reach where I want it to be after 2.5 years, with so much of no-one-knows-what's-gonna-happen. Nope, I just have to tell myself, repeatedly, that I will be there. I will.
- I need to get back to the stream of pops and songs. Car-raoke is awesome for early morning and late night car-travels. Who cares if the driver next to your car is judging your loud boombox and your terrible screams?
- Please don't put me in an awkward situation in the round table. I don't know how I should play this even though I'm still learning. I'm socially awkward if you haven't notice yet.
Day 840.
- Don't you always think about it even though it's after hours? I tried not to, but somehow it comes into my mind so easily, like it's inevitable.
- I don't know how do you expect to close all this shit but I already had an idea that there's no way it's gonna work, guaranteed.
- Now finally someone has voiced out. See that, we're all overly attached to these gadgets. Till she thought we have forgotten their existences. After a good half an hour of conversation, our index fingers slide n the screens again.
- Not that I'm unaware of how bad it is: working for long hours and feels like no life. I do not need another reminder that beats my motivation which keeps me moving, but I need some words of encouragement.
- Sometimes I doubt whether I will reach where I want it to be after 2.5 years, with so much of no-one-knows-what's-gonna-happen. Nope, I just have to tell myself, repeatedly, that I will be there. I will.
- I need to get back to the stream of pops and songs. Car-raoke is awesome for early morning and late night car-travels. Who cares if the driver next to your car is judging your loud boombox and your terrible screams?
- Please don't put me in an awkward situation in the round table. I don't know how I should play this even though I'm still learning. I'm socially awkward if you haven't notice yet.
Day 840.
Sunday, 1 September 2013
接下来五年？
"你喜不喜欢QS先? 喜欢就是说接下来五年还看到你啦?"
这问题提到的两样东西是没有直接的关系，or rather 完全没有关系。一个员工的离去当然有很多因素围绕着，不单纯的因为自己"喜欢"这行业而留下来一辈子。这是我的逻辑。
目前为止，除了最现实的因素得不到满足以外（不是我一人认为而已，而是几乎每个同事都赞同的事实），在工作里得到的技术上和学术上的帮助都很好，起码我面对的问题都能consult team里的人并得到处理方式的解答和指示。可是，人最现实的要求都不被满足，那管理层要怎么奢望员工会甘心卖命多几年，更何况一辈子。
更别说，那些已经定下目标，铺着未来自己的去向的人了。
对于一个新人来说，现在讨论这些未免过早。我还有一大段路要走，还有很多东西要学，还有很多很大单的压力等着我学会应付。
不过，我就是那个已经定下目标，铺着未来自己去向的人。
Day 883.
这问题提到的两样东西是没有直接的关系，or rather 完全没有关系。一个员工的离去当然有很多因素围绕着，不单纯的因为自己"喜欢"这行业而留下来一辈子。这是我的逻辑。
目前为止，除了最现实的因素得不到满足以外（不是我一人认为而已，而是几乎每个同事都赞同的事实），在工作里得到的技术上和学术上的帮助都很好，起码我面对的问题都能consult team里的人并得到处理方式的解答和指示。可是，人最现实的要求都不被满足，那管理层要怎么奢望员工会甘心卖命多几年，更何况一辈子。
更别说，那些已经定下目标，铺着未来自己的去向的人了。
对于一个新人来说，现在讨论这些未免过早。我还有一大段路要走，还有很多东西要学，还有很多很大单的压力等着我学会应付。
不过，我就是那个已经定下目标，铺着未来自己去向的人。
Day 883.
Tag:
Work
Sunday, 25 August 2013
Lately
1. How much do I hate motorbikes/ motorbikers? As much as I hate lorries/ lorry drivers and call centre agents.
2. Been about a month since my new job started. Super busy, challenging and over-time everyday despite the fact that there's no additional pay to compensate the labour. Exhausting. Sigh. Not that I'm complaining. And I never regret. I know very clearly how this works, two-point-five-years time would be just a blink of an eye, that's how I comfort myself and keep me motivated.
3. Words coming out from people could be misleading and scary sometimes, even if you trust the least of them. I'm learning to be immune to all those gossips and non-of-my-businesses spread around in the office.
4. So the current state of my life is all about work. I feel like I'm disconnected from the usual routine before the work commitment. I miss online too.
Day 890.
2. Been about a month since my new job started. Super busy, challenging and over-time everyday despite the fact that there's no additional pay to compensate the labour. Exhausting. Sigh. Not that I'm complaining. And I never regret. I know very clearly how this works, two-point-five-years time would be just a blink of an eye, that's how I comfort myself and keep me motivated.
3. Words coming out from people could be misleading and scary sometimes, even if you trust the least of them. I'm learning to be immune to all those gossips and non-of-my-businesses spread around in the office.
4. So the current state of my life is all about work. I feel like I'm disconnected from the usual routine before the work commitment. I miss online too.
Day 890.
Tag:
Work
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Friday, 26 July 2013
Ready or not
An email from down under always excites me.
是Michael。除了问候一句，他最关心的是我的计划。
我不晓得我该怎么回复他，毕竟我刚刚才作了职业上的决定。
Timing. It's all about timing. "...I would never say no..." But we're not running at the same pace.
Until I am ready, the door would have shut behind.
And things could change easily, their perceptions especially.
心跳扑腾扑腾，提起指尖，点击"send"。员工合约应该是即时生效了。
现在就是等开工那一天的来临。
将来发生的什么事，我没眼看。
只要我铁定30个月后，我现在坚持的，还在坚持着，并实现。
是Michael。除了问候一句，他最关心的是我的计划。
我不晓得我该怎么回复他，毕竟我刚刚才作了职业上的决定。
Timing. It's all about timing. "...I would never say no..." But we're not running at the same pace.
Until I am ready, the door would have shut behind.
And things could change easily, their perceptions especially.
心跳扑腾扑腾，提起指尖，点击"send"。员工合约应该是即时生效了。
现在就是等开工那一天的来临。
将来发生的什么事，我没眼看。
只要我铁定30个月后，我现在坚持的，还在坚持着，并实现。
Thursday, 25 July 2013
Bargain
I have the right to bargain, but I do not have the power to do so, not to mention I am too weak to negotiate.
The fact is that I have withdrawn myself from what was deemed to be an exceptionally descent offer. And I have now been putting up so much concerns on what I reckoned as complicated conditions of new employment contract: valuing this clause whether is fair, measuring that clause whether is reasonable, on the basis of my hypothetical yet close-to-the-reality circumstances. I could hear that HR lady giggled over the other end of the phone when I asked questions for her finest clarifications.
Do not compare. There's nothing that You have got to bargain. I was repeatedly reminded. And then, I remembered the motive that drove me to leave on last Friday, the reason that I turned down what I had, the intention that would result where I wanted to be.
And now I have another door open, all of the sudden. I said: decision is made, I do not want another option, it'll be hard to decide again.
The fact is that I have withdrawn myself from what was deemed to be an exceptionally descent offer. And I have now been putting up so much concerns on what I reckoned as complicated conditions of new employment contract: valuing this clause whether is fair, measuring that clause whether is reasonable, on the basis of my hypothetical yet close-to-the-reality circumstances. I could hear that HR lady giggled over the other end of the phone when I asked questions for her finest clarifications.
Do not compare. There's nothing that You have got to bargain. I was repeatedly reminded. And then, I remembered the motive that drove me to leave on last Friday, the reason that I turned down what I had, the intention that would result where I wanted to be.
And now I have another door open, all of the sudden. I said: decision is made, I do not want another option, it'll be hard to decide again.
Monday, 22 July 2013
Crawl, fly high, stop, think twice
六月那样过了，七月亦快到了尾声。我究竟是如何穿梭这将近六十天的时间，得到了什么。
上班进入第二周就已接到老板娘的指示，说我即将负责两个工程。当下在intercom里，我没多犹豫就答应了，ok。在等待senior的briefing时，我开始怀疑我是否有这个能力去担待project，即使是在senior的照应下。
"既然人家给了你机会，就表示信得过你。"
几番劝言也就让我慢慢相信我可以应付这个挑战。
就在所有事情一次过冲进来时，第三周的某个晚上我忍不住崩溃了，一路解释，一路哭个不停，直到车子停在家门。一个小插曲，一个赶命的deadline，一个不对的timing，让我做了个决定。
既然决定了，就不要回头。
我想要的是，从最低做起，从最基本且最重要的部分开始，打好基础，熟悉本地的standard，逐步了解这里的建筑行业。我确实不会怪罪于steep learning curve，面对这样的学习环境都已被标签为理所当然的事，可若要我还未学走就先飞，我想我还未到那个境界。
于是大家开始担心。
我到了一家发展商的公司面试，被一位年长看似职场历练资深的经理揉烂得体无完肤，所有技术性的问题都被他考倒。除之，他让我更深信顾问类的公司才是我想要跑的起点。
我到了一家熟悉的顾问公司面试，当下被offer，隔几天考量多次后我也答应了。
两年半的时间，会很快过。就当是学习的好机会，也当是存钱的好机会。因为，我知道了我的目标，我要去的地方，我以后要达到的人生。
周五的last day，就如前几天一样，没事儿干。午餐则是很形式的farewell，实际上我和他们都存着尴尬的气氛。在怎样也要好来好去。我发了封电邮给老板娘，说了谢谢和抱歉。
上班进入第二周就已接到老板娘的指示，说我即将负责两个工程。当下在intercom里，我没多犹豫就答应了，ok。在等待senior的briefing时，我开始怀疑我是否有这个能力去担待project，即使是在senior的照应下。
"既然人家给了你机会，就表示信得过你。"
几番劝言也就让我慢慢相信我可以应付这个挑战。
就在所有事情一次过冲进来时，第三周的某个晚上我忍不住崩溃了，一路解释，一路哭个不停，直到车子停在家门。一个小插曲，一个赶命的deadline，一个不对的timing，让我做了个决定。
既然决定了，就不要回头。
我想要的是，从最低做起，从最基本且最重要的部分开始，打好基础，熟悉本地的standard，逐步了解这里的建筑行业。我确实不会怪罪于steep learning curve，面对这样的学习环境都已被标签为理所当然的事，可若要我还未学走就先飞，我想我还未到那个境界。
于是大家开始担心。
我到了一家发展商的公司面试，被一位年长看似职场历练资深的经理揉烂得体无完肤，所有技术性的问题都被他考倒。除之，他让我更深信顾问类的公司才是我想要跑的起点。
我到了一家熟悉的顾问公司面试，当下被offer，隔几天考量多次后我也答应了。
两年半的时间，会很快过。就当是学习的好机会，也当是存钱的好机会。因为，我知道了我的目标，我要去的地方，我以后要达到的人生。
周五的last day，就如前几天一样，没事儿干。午餐则是很形式的farewell，实际上我和他们都存着尴尬的气氛。在怎样也要好来好去。我发了封电邮给老板娘，说了谢谢和抱歉。
Saturday, 8 June 2013
Newbie in the house
Day 1
I didn't know what I was doing.
Day 2
I didn't know what I was doing.
I was not sure if I still wanted to be here.
Day 3
I didn't know what I was doing.
Day 4
I didn't know what I was doing.
I thought they were supposed to call me as agreed.
Day 5
I might have done some huge mistake. Did I miss out some floor levels?
Where's the call?
I'm tired already, and I still feel uncomfortable.
I didn't know what I was doing.
Day 2
I didn't know what I was doing.
I was not sure if I still wanted to be here.
Day 3
I didn't know what I was doing.
Day 4
I didn't know what I was doing.
I thought they were supposed to call me as agreed.
Day 5
I might have done some huge mistake. Did I miss out some floor levels?
Where's the call?
I'm tired already, and I still feel uncomfortable.
Tag:
Work
Friday, 31 May 2013
Tuesday, 28 May 2013
Tough day
It was a tough day.
It was hot and humid, I was sweaty.
Physically exhausted.
Mentally tired.
Money and time wasted.
What's worse, I felt guilty to lead my dad into the same state.
I didn't really have any expectations from the start of the day, just hoped that the journey and everything else would be just fine. But by the time I walked out from the office, there was only disappointment. And the more I flashed-back of how the HR ladies asked the questions as I was walking farther, the greater the sense of disappointment and non-appreciation I felt. It's shit.
Not so much on sight-seeing, MRT was jam-packed with people, clean environment and organised infrastructure, and somehow the city is oppressive to me for the tall buildings are being too close. Unless they come back to me and have something more than descent to offer, Singapore will not be my intermediate stop, at least for now.
I've made my decision. And I don't know if I could make my way back to where I used to be.
It was hot and humid, I was sweaty.
Physically exhausted.
Mentally tired.
Money and time wasted.
What's worse, I felt guilty to lead my dad into the same state.
I didn't really have any expectations from the start of the day, just hoped that the journey and everything else would be just fine. But by the time I walked out from the office, there was only disappointment. And the more I flashed-back of how the HR ladies asked the questions as I was walking farther, the greater the sense of disappointment and non-appreciation I felt. It's shit.
Not so much on sight-seeing, MRT was jam-packed with people, clean environment and organised infrastructure, and somehow the city is oppressive to me for the tall buildings are being too close. Unless they come back to me and have something more than descent to offer, Singapore will not be my intermediate stop, at least for now.
I've made my decision. And I don't know if I could make my way back to where I used to be.
Tag:
Life
Monday, 20 May 2013
In just a week
周五，我拨电拒绝了SL，最有力的理由全是地点太远。
然后，我一直在想着周二的也别给通知好了。
周六，L果然说到做到，在这一个礼拜结束前真的带来消息。
那晚，大家都问着为何不立即答应，待我给个能够说服和满足她们的原因。
"你最大的concern是什么？""不是你最喜欢的么？""这样好的offer，又近。"
我的确感觉到压力。我摆了个驾驶的姿势，没错，怎样上班下班是我最大的问题。
这是我一开始已经列明的问题，我需要的是一辆车，一辆自动档的车子。
正当每人替我烦恼、献计时，似乎出现了熟悉的僵局。
"我都说解决不到的啦。"
二姐和大姐都认为能够在近来的一两个月里可以迁就，因而暂为解决方法。
我问了朋友，我说还在考虑着，而事实上我清楚知道我已收拾好心情，会加入并与她做半个同事。
的确，有了解决的方法，我想不出我要推掉的理由，也似乎不轮到我去推辞。
周一，午餐时间我拨了电，向L说明我的答复。
我尽量不再去想: 我向往的生活或许只是一个梦。不如想想来着的十年二十年会在这里怎样的过。
午间，接到了新加坡的电话，并再一次给了机会。是自己先前把放开的拾回来的结果。
挂上电话，fucking hell，为何要再一次陷入纠结？
一周内纠结结束了，压力释了，纠结又回来，压力又重堆。
I really don't like this shit.
然后，我一直在想着周二的也别给通知好了。
周六，L果然说到做到，在这一个礼拜结束前真的带来消息。
那晚，大家都问着为何不立即答应，待我给个能够说服和满足她们的原因。
"你最大的concern是什么？""不是你最喜欢的么？""这样好的offer，又近。"
我的确感觉到压力。我摆了个驾驶的姿势，没错，怎样上班下班是我最大的问题。
这是我一开始已经列明的问题，我需要的是一辆车，一辆自动档的车子。
正当每人替我烦恼、献计时，似乎出现了熟悉的僵局。
"我都说解决不到的啦。"
二姐和大姐都认为能够在近来的一两个月里可以迁就，因而暂为解决方法。
我问了朋友，我说还在考虑着，而事实上我清楚知道我已收拾好心情，会加入并与她做半个同事。
的确，有了解决的方法，我想不出我要推掉的理由，也似乎不轮到我去推辞。
周一，午餐时间我拨了电，向L说明我的答复。
我尽量不再去想: 我向往的生活或许只是一个梦。不如想想来着的十年二十年会在这里怎样的过。
午间，接到了新加坡的电话，并再一次给了机会。是自己先前把放开的拾回来的结果。
挂上电话，fucking hell，为何要再一次陷入纠结？
一周内纠结结束了，压力释了，纠结又回来，压力又重堆。
I really don't like this shit.
Tag:
Life
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
Friday, 10 May 2013
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
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